As parents, it’s our duty to acknowledge the fact that kids are their own people. They have their own perspective of looking at life. Yes, kids are stubborn, they cross lines, they might lead the wrong direction but punishment is never the right option. A positive approach, a.k.a, ‘positive parenting’ to their mistakes, bad behavior can build up a far better relationship than yelling or shouting or punishing.
For instance, when your child talks back, instead of telling them not to talk back, try to rephrase your sentence ‘Sweetheart, I’m ready to listen to everything that you have to tell me. Let’s calm ourselves down, sit, and then talk over a cup of coffee’.
Of course, it’s lengthy but it builds a strong relationship between parents and the baby in the long run. I remember when I was a kid and how my parents’ choice of positive parenting shaped my personality. Their jolly, understanding and empathetic way of parenting made me a happy and an empathetic person.
We reflect our elders. If you shout, your kids will find their way through shouting and yelling. If you punish, your kids will use punishment to get what they want as well. But if you show love & understanding, the results will strike you and thrive you!
As a child once and as a parent now, I understand, their retorts, their stubbornness must have a reason and that their defense can be seen negatively. But as parents, it’s our duty to tend to their important needs, teach them with love. To understand the reason behind their aggravated behavior, after all, it’s us who they can rely on. We need to be more approachable, more flexible, more understanding.
1. How to Control our anger?
Before we get into the details of positive parenting and how to enact it out, let’s figure how to control our anger. Parenting is hard and it is new to you as much as it is to the baby. We can often lose our calm because it does get hectic. With all the chores, messes, and repetitive sentences, it can get frustrating.
As a parent, whenever I had the urge to yell, I would take a deep breath, leave whatever I’m doing, sit for a couple of seconds, and then respond to what aggravated me. These few seconds of break can calm you down, help you better understand the situation, and find you a creative solution to deal with it.
So, whenever you feel like yelling, shouting, or being violent, give yourself a couple of seconds. Understand and perceive the situation. Ask yourself, do you really need to yell? Is there a reason to yell? Will yelling help? Is your yelling justified? I’m certain, NO would be an answer to all these questions.
In the end, we know kids are innocent, naive, and oblivion, they probably won’t even understand why you yelled. So, take a deep breath, and save yourself from scaring the child.
2. What is Positive Parenting & How To Imply It In Your Lives?
Positive parenting comes into the picture when you want to discipline your kid but you don’t want to yell or shout at them at the same time. To teach your kids a lesson, moral, manners with love, and positivity. As parents, we shape our child’s perception, they look at the world through our narration. So, give them a world full of imagination, possibilities, kindness, and raw strength.
3. How To Ace Positive Parenting?
Our kids are mini versions of ourselves. They like to act like us, walk like us, talk like us, and live like us. We are their role models, you can mold them beautifully within a matter of time.
3.1. Shape their Perception.
How? I have never personally liked discipline or setting up rules and boundaries on anyone. We cannot just discipline our kids without first building their understanding. If you give your child the right learning, you won’t ever need to discipline them. Of course, exceptions do find their way, we’ll be discussing them further.
The very first thing that you can teach your child is kindness. Don’t just talk about kindness, go on field trips. Adopt a pet, teach them to embrace other beings. Feed the poor on your way, always, and allow your kids to do it as well. Let them empathize with the poor and share smiles.
Appreciate them for their kindness and be show them that you are proud of the person that they have become.
Teach them self-love
Self-love is very important to build one’s personality. You cannot learn to love others when you can’t love yourself. Teach them to love themselves. Allow them to find ways to love themselves and discover these new ways every day. Teach them to embrace their soul, personality, and body.
Don’t define a single definition of beauty and allow them to love and appreciate everything.
Empathy allows your kid to feel others and understand others and their problems. When you teach your kid empathy, they understand you a little more and they will try to listen to you a little more. How to teach them empathy? Although empathy comes naturally, you can naturally build it.
The first step to teach your kid empathy is to first empathize with them. For instance, if your kid broke their toy. Your first option shouldn’t be to yell at the damage but to empathize. Rephrase your sentence with, ‘I can understand your loss. I once broke my toy as well and I missed it dearly. How about from next time we show extra care, love, affection to things that we love?
Another example, If they refuse to eat a vegetable instead of forcing it on your baby… ‘I used to hate broccoli, too. I didn’t like its taste either(be extra dramatic). But you know, your grandmother told me, broccoli gives us a lot of nutrients which makes us healthy, smart, and strong.
I ate broccoli and see how much mama is strong and intelligent. Do you want to be like momma? I bet you want to be smart and intelligent, too! From next time onwards, I’ll try to make it tastier for you! Can you eat it for momma now?
They’d do it for you. And, of course, keep your promise and make it tastier the next time. It builds trust.
These small empathetic instances can help your kid with empathy, too. You don’t need to force them to empathize with everything, that will surge their emotions irregularly. Instead of that, go slow.
Respect & Honesty
Don’t teach them to respect elders, teach them to respect everyone, irrespective of age, caste, color, religion, and origin! Respect your kids in order to teach them respect. Respect their decisions and respect their space. Only then can you see changes in their personality.
The same goes for honesty. You cannot expect your kid to be honest when you are not honest yourself. That would make you a hypocrite. Be honest with them and create an honest environment. With honesty, you also need to be more flexible. If you are not flexible your kids won’t build up the courage to tell you so.
For instance, if they make a mistake, don’t yell at them on the consequence. Instead, teach them it’s okay to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. Let them know, you also make mistakes. ‘But… learn to learn from those mistakes. Teach them the importance of mistakes and how these mistakes help to better yourself.
That way, your kids won’t hide their mistakes or faults. They will share it with you and together you can find a way out of it. That’s how honesty works. Being strict won’t allow your kid to approach you but being accepting and understanding would!
3.2. Reverse Psychology.
Avoid Saying ‘No’ and induce ‘Yes’ in the conversation.
The more you say ‘no’ to things, the more your kids would learn to say ‘no’. Remember, Kids, walk in our footsteps. Instead of saying ‘no’, rephrase your sentence with a yes.
Child: Mom, I want to eat icecream!
Instead of saying, ‘No, you can’t eat ice cream, it’s bad’.
Positive Parenting: Sure, sweetheart. Let’s eat Icecream. Mamma also loves to eat icecream but eating too much ice cream is bad for your cute little teeth. How about we decide 3 days/week for ice cream day? It’d be fun!
This way, you are limiting their ice cream intake and you are also informing why it’s bad and you are also not breaking their hearts. It’s win-win, allow them to chose what days do they prefer the best to eat ice cream. Kids love to chose and be authoritative.
Child: *watching T.V. after the hours*
Instead of saying, ‘No television after the hours’
Parents: Sweetie, I know you love T.V. but too much T.V. is bad for your beautiful eyes. How about we sleep now, wake up fresh and beautiful and then enjoy T.V. for an hour every day.
Child: *sketching on the wall*
Instead of saying, ‘No, don’t ruin the walls or No, walls are not for sketching’
Positve Parenting: (Give them a separate wall to show their creativity.) You can paint, use crayons, draw on this wall, and let your creativity shine. Mumma would love to see your artwork. How about we use this wall first and switch to the next wall later.
A Child’s imagination is too beautiful to suffice on a single piece of paper. Let them find their own space with colors and creativity & enjoy their space. Always put your child’s imagination above the walls. As someone great once said,
‘Logic will take you from A to B’ Imagination will take you everywhere.’
3.3. Give Them The Power Of Choice
Kids love to be in control of their decisions. They like to act like us, as a responsible adult. So, give them the power of choices. Of course, you should have the For instance,
- Parents: Would like to watch the T.V. in the morning for an hour or in the evening?
- Papa: What 3 days in the week would you choose for your ice cream day?
- Mama: Which wall would you like to show your creativity and art?
- Positive Parenting: Would you like to play indoors or outdoors.
Make sure you are keeping up with the choices that you put forth. Don’t give them the choice that you can’t afford. Make it seem effortless and yet still be in control of the choices you represent.
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3.4. Improvise With Your Kids.
To work on your kids and parenting, you need to understand them first. Sit with them & talk about things they like, dislike to lead the positive parenting. What hobbies do they enjoy? What games do they love? Is there something that they’d like to share. Give them space and the acceptance for them to trust you with secrets.
When you have established the trust between you and your child, you can further ask them… if there something about your parenting that hurts them? And when they open up, ask for their suggestions and how to improve the flaw.
Through this talk time, you can better understand your kids and how to parent them through their point of view. You will notice many merits of this technique. You’d know our child better and how to discipline them.
Don’t just fake this improvisation but actually, listen to them and work on it. Kids would love to be heard and understood by you. So, make sure you listen to their points and implement them in your life and parenting methods.
3.5. Focus on the reason behind their bad behavior.
It’d be stupid to consider kid’s behavior is intentional. Most of the time, kids are impulsive and naive, they do what they seem appropriate to do. It’s unjust to consider them the bad people. Instead of judging them on their bad behavior, work on the root cause of the behavior.
Ask yourself and allow the kid to explain their behavior and what led them to it. Certifying your kid as the bad guy for their bad behavior is like accusing a newborn of not speaking. Because most of the time, they don’t know what’s wrong and what’s right.
So, work on the reason behind their bad behavior, that’s the right path to positive parenting. For instance, if your child’s being stubborn about watching the telly continuously and refuses to listen to you. Process this situation before mindlessly witching off the T.V.
Why do they watch T.V. so much? Because it’s fun, everybody deserves fun! Instead of refusing them their fun, come up with something funnier and more interesting, some outdoor activities, games, a treasure hunt to distract them from the T.V.
And over a plate of their favorite dish, explain to them the importance of limiting the T.V. and how too much of it is bad for their eyes. Timing is everything. If you switch off the T.V. when they badly want to watch it, they won’t understand the lesson you are wanting to give to them.
Their stubbornness will make them retort and understand nothing of the lesson. So, instead of just mindlessly yelling at them. Take your time, let them have the time to understand. Answer every question that they have in mind. They need to understand the reasoning behind your actions as well. So be thoughtful!
3.6. Support your Kids And Stand Together- Positive parenting #hack
When we judge our kids for their bad behavior, we are putting up a wall between us and them. This wall can make them feel distant, unworthy. Instead of judging them and calling out their bad behavior. Be empathetic and then tell them how to correct or better this situation. Also, ask for suggestions and ideas to better deal with the problem.
But never ever build a wall between you and your kid. That wall can be hard to break. Stand with them even when they are wrong. Of course, don’t encourage the wrong but instead of shaming them, teach them to correct it!
Don’t Shame them down! That’s the last thing you want to do. Shaming can trigger an inferior complex, it can crack their confidence to bits. So, avoid shaming at all costs.
No human is perfect, we all do good and bad, intentionally and unintentionally. We can always learn from both sides. Shaming an individual leads to major personality, confidence, self-respect trauma in adulthood. Trauma and self-pity don’t go easily. So, appreciate your kid, love them, and teach them to love themselves.
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